After a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer, Kate Bowler reflects on what it means to live with uncertainty, when her length of life was no longer assured. She examines questions of whether it's possible to be content when one's days are numbered, and how that feeling of finitude, of having all things in perspective, is fleeting. When she discusses the birthday script she and her son act out, it nearly brings me to tears, and she is willing to let us in on her intimate conversations with her family, with her close friends, and with her medical professionals, even when it isn't always flattering.
These insights, while gained through a diagnosis not all will face, have a feeling of universality. What is the purpose of our professional selves when our final days are upon us, for instance? She wrestled with whether or not to work on her academic book, knowing it would take time from her family when that itself was uncertain (a colleague wisely said, "If the worst happens and this book is the last thing you ever do, Zach can still find you there").
Bowler writes with heart and with vulnerability, sharing her thoughts and words from that immediate time as well as how the pandemic impacted everything after: "The truth of the pandemic is the truth of all suffering: that it is unjustly distributed."
Through my own experiences, I have wondered how to come to terms that certain tragedies have so viscerally impacted and changed me, that while I hate that they happened, I just couldn't quite get to the point to wish them away because of how they transformed me. Bowler also has that epiphany: "...we fully agree that we stumbled into the heart of a mystery -- that there were moments of suffering that felt unmistakably like gifts."
Even with a serious subject matter, Bowler's humor is present; this book exudes hope and joy and it was a gift to read.
(I received a digital ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.)
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