Wherein I Encounter a Misprint and an Incivility

One of my students was going to be gone much of this week, so he completed work in his absence. He turned in a news article that began as follows: "May 17, 2005, a day that will live in infancy." At least he's paying some attention in his social studies class.

On a more sour note, I had a phone conversation with a parent today. Her son has been struggling in my class all year and had been a discipline problem. The issue is motivation, not lack of competence. At fall conferences, she admitted that every year they have struggled with their son not wanting to do work in school and frequently being disrespectful and behaviorally disruptive in classes. So, "As a teacher, what are YOU going to do about this?" I didn't know how to tell her that the issue seemed to be more systemic then I could solve; it began at home years ago and couldn't be solved in a school setting. She had been bailing him out, finding excuses: inept teachers, a school system that was victimizing her son. But today, as we talked, she ended with this quip: "I think the main reason my son has struggled in your class is because of personality differences. And after this conversation, I think I know why." With that, she ruined my lunchtime. By sixth hour, I had healed, though. I was reminded what I meant to my students through a couple of spontaneous comments and that this was just one disgruntled parent. I had been professional and understanding on the phone, apparently to no avail. Throughout my two years in the district, I have received praise and support from many parents, and yet I allowed the dissatisfied parent in that time to make me doubt myself. It is so true that a harsh word needs many positive affirmations to counter it.

Poetry Poker

Writing poetry can be daunting for everyone. For some, like my youngest sister, it comes naturally, but for most, being told to write a poem on command can bring about delightful visions of acquiring a debilitating disease that will leave you without the use of your hands until the deadline passes.

As a teacher, I feel underqualified to teach on how to write poetry, but I enjoy reading it and feel that I must do a unit on how to write it; I don't want to create students who are frightened of it because of underexposure. I've read many journal articles on this subject and have discovered some great lessons that have been used successfully in my classroom.

There is one exercise I especially like to use as an introduction. It introduces students to poetry in a non-threatening way and is called Poetry Poker. The teacher prepares in advance by creating word cards and directions for play. I like to use actual playing cards with words or phrases typed on the card, as they're a nice size and offer more stability and durability than unlaminated paper. Plus, there's something great about getting to pull out a deck of cards in class (although I have blank decks on hand for those that are more interested in the "poker" part of the exercise!).

Students are dealt cards that they must then arrange in an enticing order to form a line of poetry, and they can add some additional words as necessary to help the flow. After a day or two of playing, students look at the lines they have created and they can do some rearranging or minor editing as necessary. Then students rewrite their poems and decorate them accordingly. We display them in the classroom, and students are drawn to the walls, reading what their peers have written.

It's great to see them get into the exercise. They enjoy the word play and you end up with some poetic lines. I've done this with ninth graders and seventh graders. The only difference I've seen is that my middle-schoolers sometimes encountered unfamiliar words. When this transpired, they were more likely to discard than use the available dictionaries. Nevertheless, I was delighted to read what students had as finished products. Here are two for now:

Then she felt that fond
Yet dreadful rage coming on
Again and suspected people
Would throw streamers
At her

My rage will smother
Me with a stale piece
Of cake over the
Telescopic cliffs of
DEATH!!

More Writing Samples

I had to share some more aptly written passages from my students. Here are some more amusing dedications.

From a well-read student:

"I dedicate this to the tourists in pity.

'Why do they call it tourist season if we can't shoot 'em?'

Also to J.R.R. Tolkien for writing such literary legends,
Hayao Miyazaki for his imaginative animation,
And Garrison Keillor for using his mottos. All of them."

From someone who admires her teachers and gives them their due, all the while putting in some parallel structure to make it fluid:

"Dedicated to:
My mom, you were there,
My dad, you gave me the joy of books,
My dogs, you made me laugh until I cried,
And Mr. K., you gave me the gift of science."

Here's another one that is simple in meaning but expressive: "This book is dedicated to my friends for making me laugh so hard all the time I fear one day I shall explode from it all."

And now from a student who is an avid reader but struggles with writing: "I dedicate this to my sister, Issy, because it was as big a pain as she is."

I'm frequently amazed that these students are only thirteen. Sometime I'll share some of the short poems they did during a Poetry Poker exercise. It's astounding how imaginative and clever they are. Something happens to them as they get older, and they lose this innocence and confidence in their skills.

Writing From the Heights of Eloquence to the Depths of Erratum

Students compile their essays from the year, edit them anew, and then bind them into a book. They are all centralized around aspects of themselves, a staple in the seventh-grade curriculum. Parents even have the opportunity to write a chapter of their own, and those students who have parents that have participated in this have been beaming as they read what has been said about them. The additions to the essay components are a dedication, as well as a reflection on their work. I have been equally amazed by their eloquence and dismayed by their oversights. Here are the more memorable.

Some of the brilliant dedications are: "To anyone who woke up on Monday and thought it was Saturday" and this one from my little orchestra violinist: "To B-flat, the most resonant note of all."

Many students dedicate the book to their families, thanking them for their support and love. Here's an awkward one: "This book is dedicated to my parents. Without them, I wouldn't be here." So, what is she thanking them for, exactly?

I like to imagine the student writing her essays throughout the year after reading this: "This book is dedicated to Fiona, Bun-bun, and the rest of my animals. Without their funny antics, I would have gone crazy trying to meet my deadline."

One student added an Editor's Note to the close of her book: "Twenty years after this paper was written, the author became an eccentric hermit. When she told her mother and father of this, she reportedly said, 'I go in search of personality and mysteriousness.' To this day she lives somewhere in the Rocky Mountains with a flock of Belgian Quail D'Anvers. This should not alarm the reader if they plan on going mountain climbing: simply take along an offering of books to give to her when she comes to take the toll."

And here is the most memorable beginning to a chapter written by a parent: "[Our son] was born in Honolulu, Hawaii due to an ill-timed vacation by his normally responsible parents."

And if you want to end on a pleasant note, you should stop reading now. Below follows the tragic typos in these finished works.

First, let's begin with some irony, found in this reflection: "This year my writing is a lot better than the begging of the year."

And here's a dedication: "I dedicate this book to my mom. She is the one who helped me edit and prefect all off my papers." Somehow I imagine her mother didn't get to check this particular writing sample.

I don't even know where to begin with this reflection: "When I was righting these essays I notes a lot of things. I became a better righter. I became a better speller. I have learned how to right good essays."

And just more proof that when this year is finished, I won't know how to spell anything correctly: "When I reflect back on my essays from the beginning of the year I notice a lot of big mistakes and some miner mistakes." Is a "miner" mistake one where you accidently extract lead instead of iron? And when do you have opportunities to write in all that barren darkness? I can't imagine it's good for the eyes.

Here's an example of one of the most commonly misspelled words, by children and adults alike: "If you like sports, then you should defiantly read this." And as you read, perhaps you can scowl and vigorously thrust your fist in the air at appropriate intervals.

Finally, "I want to get married and have children, but I think I'll adapt." One must always remain flexible in such areas.

So Where Do Lil Smokies Come From?

I'm grading essays (so I put them off until yesterday and today), and I see the following: "My family always loves coming together for anything. We love looking at old picture albums, roosting marshmallows, and baking cookies." I don't know much about farming. Do you get mini marshmallows when you let them "roost"? Curious practice. I've still got a lot to learn.

So What State Do You Reside In?

I was finishing up with grading my last batch of Tom Sawyer tests this morning, reading the essays. One of the questions asked students to draw connections from Mark Twain's life to the book. This answer was from a student who struggles with spelling: "Well, Mark Twain was born in Misery, and Tom Sawyer was born and raised in Misery."

Sad, isn't it, that they had to live in such a state. If only they would have moved.

Amusing Student Typos and Writing Excerpts

While grading essays this weekend, I came across some ill-written phrases. This led me to jot them down and attempt to track down some other amusing lines I've come across in the last two years. This is a daunting task, as I generally jot them down on whatever scrap of paper is closest at the time, so I'm sure there will be further installments as I wade through my papers.

In one girl's journal, she writes that she overslept one morning and had about one minute to eat a "bowel of cereal." Hmm...I wonder where one goes to acquire that. And when I learn where, I will steer clear of said establishment.

Another honestly admitted, "I don’t like to talk in conformation class." That's right, you don't! You'll stay silent and unnoticed like everyone else! No one is to stand out...uniformity is the aim or we will bark intimidatingly at you until you slink back into your seats!

Another poetically stated, "I was a minuet away from death." If only it hadn't been a spelling error that Microsoft Word overlooked...

It's a struggle for some students to wrap their minds around the idea of theme. How are they to distance themselves enough to come up with a motif instead of trying to reiterate the plot? This student didn't figure it out, but sure tried. "The moral of this story is when you go to the gas station and leave your car (and you have kids), either lock the door behind you and take the keys out of the car, or just take your kids inside with you." Whew!

Another student struggled with determinining themes in her book. She did fairly well in penning universal statements until this one: "Get milk instead of Fritos."

Another one was commenting on the plot in her book. This gives us an insight to what we already knew were the rankings of importance in a teenager's life. "When Lara is diagnosed with her disease, her 'friends' get rid of her, and her mom and dad get divorced, and worst of all, her boyfriend breaks up with her."

Harry Potter is ever popular at any age. One student, after having read one of J.K. Rowling's books, had an amusing typo when describing the setting of the series: "Another [setting] is 24 Privet Drive; that is where Harry and his mean aunt, uncle, and cosine live." I think something shady is going on there. Can you really count a mathematical term as a dependent? Someone from the IRS should look into that.

This last one may not resonate with many of you, as I have a dry sense of humor, but I hope this gives some a smile as they spot the irony. The student is praising his natural genius at tutoring others: "In order to be a teacher you have to be a intellectual like me." I wonder if, in order to qualify as "a intellectual," you must misuse your articles.

Life as an English teacher

As an initial post, I thought it only appropriate to share some of the more memorable quotations I've encountered while teaching English. Teaching consumes plenty of my time, and it's not unusual to have humor bordering on the absurd lighten what could have been a mundane day. I must add, though, that if I have a day that ends without some surprise, I would have to resign on the spot!

Last week in study hall, I had a student working on a FACS assignment. She approached me with questions on her homework, since an English teacher is bound to know the nuances of any subject, or so she thought. Luckily, I could handle this. She wondered if a slicing knife's more accurate term was a "futility knife." Alas, what is this world coming to when even our knives are feeling useless and experiencing depression!

Our school piloted a program where twice a week teachers could be in a smaller setting with students who opted into specific activities. From a young man with furrowed brow, intent on his task during my knitting activity period: "Knitting's a lot harder than cross stitch." That's right, tear down those stereotypes!

I'm saddened to say that I heard this from a sophomore student who is more familiar with the text-messaging language than her native tongue. In response to a journal entry written on the board: "Why does OK have an -ay at the end?"

Continuing in the vein of spelling humor, I had a student ask me the following during an American Lit final: "Mrs. H, I just had a brain fart. How do you spell 'learn'?"

One male student, shocked that we were continually encountering primary texts in an American Lit class, had this to say, prefaced with a huge, put-upon sigh: "Is there EVER going to be a week we DON'T have to read?" Unfortunately this attitude appears to be a growing trend.

More school-related quotes are sure to follow. Our profession brings out the strange and unfettered as we do our best to mold young minds!